My 'madness"

I have found this beautiful beautiful paragraph which explains EXACTLY how it is for me. And how others feel that I am "mad" when they argue with me. I have always tried to find words to describe what happens between them and I and here it is. They feel mad when they argue with me and because they cant make sense of this feeling of madness when arguing with me, because they cant "win" they either put the phone down or throw me out of therapy!

i have no power

in this dream i lived in a bus/caravan with my partner. It all started off ok. We pulled up somewhere quiet and got ready for bed. i started to become scared, i didnt know if the doors were locked. someone was outside. i couldnt get up i was paralised. suddenly i was naked.

sweet rotting flesh

I have never smelled rotting human flesh but in this dream I did. and it was real, a smell so real ... it was almost like I knew it well. The odor of death is reminiscent of freshly tilled earth mixed with the sickeningly sweet and acrid smell of decay. two people were thrown into a very, very, very deep grave. All my dreams are dark, there is just enough light to make out what is going on. Those two people were lured near the grave and then pushed in. By someone who was .. I dont know... trying to protect or kill?

what happened to you?

True children of my Rosary will enjoy great glory in heaven.

saw new analyst. the white woman. white cos all her room is white. laura ashley kind of white. posh, pretty. sure relaxing and calm. horrific. i am not allowed to grief am i i said. im not allowed to be scared and i am not allowed to protect myself.